Signs of the times!
- Some people are alive simply because it's against the law to kill them.
- Your next raise will be effective whenever you are.
- Due to current cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turnned
off until further notice
- Sometimes a majority simply means that all the fools are on the same side.
- The only difference between this place & the titanic is they had a band.
- Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue.
- All bugs fixed, all documentation completed, all pigs fed and ready to fly!
- Meetings: the practical alternative to work!
- The floggings will continue until morale improves.
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- Treat every customer as though s/he was a violent psychotic who knows
where you live
- Problem exists between chair and keyboard.
- It's not what you know, but what you think of in time.
- Of all the things i've lost, I miss my mind the most
- Just start coding. I'll get the specs to you as soon as the users know what
- We don't believe in luck -- we rely upon it.
- Postal, but unarmed.
- I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
- Madness takes it's toll... Please have exact change ready.
- Drive through atm instructions in braille!
- The "apathy in the workplace" seminar has been postponed indefinitetly due
to lack of interest
- Illiterate? Write now for free help!
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my granddad, not screaming in
terror like his passengers
- According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
- Physics major- brain at a known velocity, unknown location
- This machine does not have a brain, please use your own.
- You're only alive because it's illegal for me to kill you.
- When they really are after you, paranoia is just good sense.
- Ice cold ice
- Thank you for not dividing by zero
- If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- Be alert! The world needs more lerts.
- No matter where you are or what you're doing, there you are, doing it.
- If not completely satisfied, welcome to the real world!
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of "smarts"
- I do not suffer from insanity, I rather enjoy it
- This is a test. This is only a test. If this were an actual job you would have
- If you're not paranoid, you're not paying attention
- Love is like a snowmobile speeding across the frozen tundra. Suddenly, it
flips, pinning you to the ground. At night the ice weasels come.
- We are all mushrooms. Kept in the dark, fed manure and when we catch on,
we are canned!
- Any employee found dead in an upright position will be fired.
- Pardon me madam, but if you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em
- Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinal, it makes them hard to
- Stress: the overwhelming desire to beat the living shit out of some
- If home is where the heart is...it follows that homeless people are also
- Bang head here, for best results, get a running start.
- If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong
- I had to work today - millions on welfare are counting on me.
- Invest in america: buy a congressman today!
- We do precision guesswork.
- Want to waste time, annoy people & postpone a decision? Hold a meeting!
- Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
- Hey, you! Out of the gene pool
- If you can't beat them, join them. Then beat them.
- Please leave all your dead animals outside
- If I didn't work here, I'd buy a ticket just to watch
- If I promise to miss you, will you please go away!?!?!?!?!?!?
- Rare, out-of-print, and non-existent books.
- Sexual harassment in this office will not be tolerated, it will be graded!
- I have two speeds, if you think this is slow, piss me off and you will see the
- A committee is 12 people doing to work of 1
- Do not eat the toner, is harmful to your health
- This is a no whining zone.
- Working here is like being in prison, except you don't get to watch tv.
- This copy machine has been modified to accept voice commands, please speak
loud and clear
(posted over copy machine april 1st)
- Ignorance is curable; stupidity is not.
- If you don't have a rupture, you ain't pulling your load!
- Vacation? What's that?
- This is not burger king! You don't get it your way and you don't get it when
you want it.
- Some people march to the beat of a different drummer, but most are just
- Every statement on this list is false.
- Where are the nice catholic girls who give away their virginity for lent?
- When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
- Measure with a micron, mark with chalk, cut with an axe
- I came, I saw, I ... went to lunch!
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies
- I can only please one person per day...today is not your day!
- The definition of a committee is a beast with six or more legs and no brain!
- Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather
- Exactly what part of no don't you understand
- .... Morons, I've got morons on my team...
- There's no such thing as a stupid question ... Just stupid people.
- Getting things done around is just like breeding elephants - it takes two
years to produce results
- Our software has more bugs than the amazon
- The view from this window is reserved for senior level managers and
- A job not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
- The english language: why does "big" mean very large and "infintitesimal"
mean very small ?
- Beyond this door lies the Incentive Directed Inefficient Operational Tactics
Strategim -- the IDIOTS are in control
- I used to think I was indecisive. Now, I'm not so sure.
- Just when I found the answers, they changed the questions.
- Your brain is a wonderful gift, it starts working the moment you wake up --
and doesn't stop until you walk into the office.
- Keep your two cents worth...I don't have change
- Health tip from the A.M.A.: Never rub sulphuric acid on your genitals.
- My other sign is funny
- Secret meeting in progress
- If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane
- I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything.
- 30 minutes or it's....late!
- Have you hugged your resident cubicle terrorist today?
- All moon children must stop at customs before proceeding into reality.
- Stress reduction program - bang head here
- Why do only the bad employees want to telecommute?
- It's difficult to soar like an eagle when you're running with turkeys
- Please keep away from the programmers, they have bugs!
- It is against federal law to send explosives though the mail.
- Please try not to confuse process with progress
- I finally had it all together, but then I forgot where I put it.
- Employees must use toilet paper
- Those who think they know everything just piss off the ones that really do!
- Sliding down the banister could cause a medical injury to your groin area.
- Volunteers are needed for annual spring cleanup of the grounds, please
sign up below & bring your own rake, shovel & work gloves
- If it is to be, it is up to me.
- All stressed out and no one to choke !!!
- Many a man's expenditure of speech exceeds his income of ideas
- I go quietly to work. Not kicking and screaming like the other passengers
in the car
- Abandon all hope ye who enter here
- If you see a customer - don't hide!
- Let me drop everything and work on your problem
- Our employees are our greatest asset.
- God, give me the strength to change the things I can, the wisdom to accept
those I can't, and the ability to hide the bodies of those I must kill.
- By reading this sign, you have volunteered to help human resources show
love to the employees.
- Please do not use PC as a footrest!
- A job without stress is money for nothing
- Abandon all logic all ye who enter here
- Momma said there was no such thing as a dumb question, try running that
one about the raise by her....
- Never confuse activity with results
- It will be ready at the end of the day. It will take longer if you help me!
- I've been set adrift in a sea of idiots.
- This is not a real job, it is only a test. If it were real there would be meaning
- Let me help you. Which door did you come in?
- If you're being run out of town, jump in front and make it look like a
- When the going gets weird, the weird........turn pro!
- If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed.
- If this is the technicians' cabinet, why aren't there any technicians inside
when I need one?
- Doing a good job is like wetting yer pants in a dark suit. Ya get a warm
feelin, but nobody notices
- By the time I got my s--- together, it was obsolete.
- Prerequisite for management candidates: lobotomy
- I was put on this earth for a purpose. I am so far behind I am never going to
- Busy people drink cold coffee.
- Kneel, you are in the presence of the systems administrator
- Wanted: obsequious slave for menial position with no pay and infinite
criticim -apply within
- Danger -- hard head area
- Please overlook stolen/torn, official forms for IRS completed expenses
- You want it when????
- Would you be horribly upset if I asked you to take your silly assed problem
down the hall?
- You don't have to be crazy to work here... -- but you will be by the time
we've finished with you!
- It will be a great day when the schools get all the money they need & the
air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber
Back to the Asylum